2011-03-28

i was in a dilapidated building with a stage in d.c., it had the vibe of an off-limits place at first but slowly more people showed up and there was going to be a show there. jack schafer was in a band that was about to play, but went home to get a cable. quite a bit more happened but i don't remember much of this one.

andrew had died while tossing a ball back and forth in the westway backyard with daniel bass. he had chased it into the street without looking and been hit by a car. we had buried him in the westway backyard and placed either things we had made ourselves that we thought he might have liked, or things of his that he liked, on top of the grave, which was actually a mound. it was really staggering. i thought of the last time i saw him which was in austin, how we'd talked about riding back together but i had to leave before he could to catch a flight. at this point i became aware that my dad had died too, though i don't know how. i was still in the westway backyard, weeping uncontrollably. i hoped it was a dream, that they were both still alive, yet at the same time i had the bizarre feeling of wanting the weeping and the intensity of emotion to be real.

this next section takes place (not at the bookstore itself, but) superimposed on the half-price books in lewisville parking lot. it bears no resemblance to it other than it sharing the coordinates of that parking lot. anyways ::: i was in a supermarket and ran into shane wright. we chit chatted but then went our separate ways. i went into the parking lot where there was a gas station, and could still see him in the distance. i decided to call him and ask him if he wanted me to get him a pack of cigarettes while i was here, to which he said sure but that he didn't have any money to pay me back. for some reason i decided to go with it anyways, then went to join my parents who were eating at a taco cabana adjacent to the gas station. this was a fancy taco cabana with waiters and live entertainment, which my parents were watching as they ate. i stood there waiting for shane and trying to conceal the cigarettes, which were not even mine, from my parents. apparently i had ordered a beer for someone else, and the waiters decided to bring an entire pitcher of frozen margaritas to our table as well. they poured them for the three of us, but they lost their consistency and turned to water almost immediately, so we had trouble distinguishing them from the waters we already had on the table. we were sitting in an outdoor seating area facing a stage, although i don't remember what was happening there. we were sitting stage left, but parallel to us stage right were two people who were also married and who looked exactly like my parents. briefly i thought of the odds of two people a) each looking like my parents b) getting married c) eating at this same taco c at the same time as us but didn't give it much thought beyond that.

at this point a group of kids came up to me and asked me to retrieve something for them that had been confiscated by a gas station attendant in yet another gas station across the parking lot. i didn't want to and told them no, and one of them tried to start a fight with me. i was standing on some steps so i was a bit below him, so that when he lunged at me i was able to duck and then flip him over my back. i tried calling some employees over to have him removed, but no one came, so i just continued holding him down, punching him as needed, etc. later, now night, i went even further across the parking lot, past the second gas station, to a second taco cabana. i waited for my food in the outdoor area there, though it was no more than some old wooden tables with benches, nothing like the previous one. the kid i had fought before came up and tapped me on the shoulder, though from the start i knew it was nothing hostile. i put my hand out to give him the bro-diagonal-five-handshake. he was holding an infant and seemed much more calm and clear.